File this post under “whimsical,” folks. I’ve been a mother for a little over nine years now. My youngest child has just turned three, and I’m still in that “Mommy, carry me” phase, at times. My purse is bursting at the seams (but not with money), my memory is fuzzy, my feet are tired, and my body is jiggly, but I’m pretty happy with life.

Over the years, I have spent more hours than I care to admit playing role-playing games (RPG), such as Neverwinter Nights, Baldur’s Gate, and some others I can’t remember right now. One of the things I enjoy about those games is the magical items a character can equip, to modify her natural abilities.

So, I got to thinking, what if I could create a new class of character? In addition to Mage, Ranger, Rogue, Warrior, etc., there should be a Mother class! A Mother would have a special combination of powerful abilities, including some borrowed from the other classes.

Given the qualities and attributes that I now possess (brain fog, stretch marks, etc.), I would be very interested in obtaining certain pieces of special equipment. These would magically boost my strengths and minimize my weaknesses.

Here are the mythical, magical items that would be on my Top Eleven list, if I were a Mother in the RPG of life:

1. Handbag of Infinite Holding. No more overstuffed purse or diaper bag. Everything fits inside, without the wearer becoming over-encumbered by the weight.
2. Gloves of Dexterity. Maintains softness of touch, but gives the wearer manual dexterity equal to having a third hand.
3. Boots of Lightness. Reduces weight upon the feet of the wearer, especially when standing on a scale.
4. Girdle of Constitution. Provides the wearer ample strength to bear any physical burden, and causes stretch marks and cellulite to disappear.
5. Helm of Mental Acuity. Dispels brain fog, improves wisdom with age, and prevents wearer from being deceived.
6. Bow of Justice + Arrows of Mercy. Enables precise, appropriate defensive attacks or punishments, as needed.
7. Cloak of Patience. Casts a spell of calm and inner peace upon the wearer, in even the most chaotic environment.
8. Breastplate of Love. Warms the hearts of the wearer and those in her midst.
9. Amulet of Healing. Empowers the wearer with magical hugs and kisses, which can be used to heal others.
10. Ring of Rest. When activated, allows the wearer to continue adventuring without sleep.
11. Shovel of Clearing. Essential equipment for any Mother, this shovel digs through any pile of literal or figurative crap, leaving a clean, clear path to tread.

I don’t usually put video on my page, because I’m afraid it will slow down the loading or break something, but this was so great, I had to share it. It’s the Cal marching band, from the halftime show of a Cal vs. Stanford game played on December 1, 2007. It will have you singing along, and craving your old favorite video games again. Let me know if it breaks anything. Enjoy!

Prepare to waste some time on this one, folks! The Fancy Pants Adventure World 2 is here.

The lively little stick-figure dude is back, but this time, the world is in color! The game starts off with a nice game of Fancy Pants style golf, for which Stick Dude receives a delicious ice creamy prize. But then, a mean rabbit steals the prize, and Stick Dude is off on a quest to recover his tasty treat.

I love the way Stick Dude can jump and flip. I enjoy the way the wind blows his spiky hairdo, and I really like the way he can slide, roll, and kick.

In addition to the main game, there is a fun new element in World 2. Stick Dude can still change the color of his pants, but you have to earn your trousers as you complete the levels. Find the snail in each level, jump on him to get his shell, and then kick the shell around until you get it in the hole. This is not as easy as it sounds, and mastering the subtleties of kicking, bouncing, wall-jumping, sliding, cannon-blasting, and puzzle-solving, provide for hours of enjoyable play.

If you’re not familiar with Fancy Pants, you might also want to check out World 1. Thanks to creator Brad Borne, for giving me another way to avoid doing real work. Enjoy!

I am addicted to my computer. And the Wii. And my kids are becoming total gamers too.

Think I’m just exaggerating? Well, how about this for proof that I spend too much time at the computer? My wrists are tired and my hands go numb. Also, my eyes barely focus on anything that’s not 24 inches away from my face, because that’s how far away my screen is.

And then when I’m done working at the computer, I love playing on the Wii. It is so much fun! And of course, it’s the kids’ favorite indoor activity, and it’s what they want to do as soon as their chores are finished. Between the Wii, and games on the PC, they will play for hours, if we let them.

Now before you blast me for allowing my kids to spend too much time in front of a screen, let me admit that I know it’s a problem. Isn’t that the first step toward recovery? I don’t know. I’ve never been in rehab. And it’s not like we live in a broken down shack full of rubbish and filth. Our home is fairly clean, the kids are well-fed, they make honor roll at school, and we read to them every day.

We do turn off the machines and interact as human beings, but sometimes it’s difficult to tear everyone away from the games. That’s where I need some help. Now you brilliant inventors out there, here is my idea. This is going to make someone very rich, and I’m giving it away for free!

I want a bank that I can attach to my gaming devices. For instance, I attach this bank to the Wii, the kids put in some coins, and it plays for however many minutes I decide each coin is worth. Then, I can open the bank, collect the coins, and recycle them into the allowance or reward system (or use as Mom’s Mad Money!). How brilliant is that?

The coin system makes the play time easier to regulate, because there’s no arguing with the machine’s timer. Also, I think it would be helpful in teaching the kids about work and rewards. They do chores to earn money, and then they can decide how much of the money to spend on gaming, or whether they would rather save it for something else.

So, does such a product already exist? Anyone out there going to make one for me? Please?

Hubby sent me a link to a page showing these cool-looking Wii remote jackets by CAMY, and I really really want one! So far, I’ve been spending my Wii sessions gaining “Pro” status on Wii Sports bowling. (I pulled a glute, but I did it, and I love my sparkly new ball!) The kids love Super Mario Galaxy, but I haven’t had time to figure it out yet. I have to wait my turn, you see, and it looks much more complicated than my old favorite, Super Mario Bros 3.

But I can hardly wait to get one of these Wiimote “light swords,” so I can get my Jedi on! (No, I don’t have a Princess Leia costume, you weak- minded fool!) According to CAMY, they are super lightweight, and the translucent blades are lit with ultra-bright LEDs. Sounds awesome! Now I have to go find a game to go with my elegant Jedi weapon. Cue light saber sound effects.

If you’ve read my previous post on our new Wii (the kids won’t unwrap it until Christmas, but we’ve been playing it at night – shhhh!), you know how much I love it! Even though I suck at pretty much all the games (except I did knock out Hubby at boxing), it is so fun! We plug it in after the kids are asleep and go for a couple of hours. Bowling, golf, tennis, baseball, etc. — none of which I do in normal life with any regularity… I end up sweaty and out of breath (especially from boxing – I turn into a crazed punching machine for some reason). Nothing wrong with that. I figure anything besides sitting at the computer counts for exercise, right?

But the next morning, boy am I sore! Yes, I’m a bit out of shape. And I’m not as young as I used to be. Anyway, my muscles ache, and my shoulder hurts. I’m really okay, but I was thinking, when will somebody develop a nice post-Wii workout cooldown game for us middle-aged Wii addicts? How about Wii Therapy, Wii Pilates, Wii Yoga, Wii Stretch? They can bundle it with Wii Sports and call it Wii for Oldies.

My husband surprised me with the news a few months ago. “Honey, I got a Wii! I wasn’t looking for one, but I just happened to wander into the game store, and the guy said they had just got the shipment, and they hadn’t even unpacked them yet. They’re really hard to find, so I was lucky to find one, and I had to get it, and we can give it to the kids for Christmas…” That was back in September.

We love video games, and it’s not that I didn’t want a Wii. It’s just that I don’t need another device that encourages me to waste more time playing games. I know that once the Wii is unwrapped and installed, there will be almost no chance of turning it off. The kids will want to play it all the time. And worse yet, I will want to play it all the time! And I’ll have to take turns!

So Hubby brought it home, and we tried it out (after the kids were asleep). We played tennis, golf, bowling, baseball, even boxing! It was awesome! I lost every challenge except for boxing. I don’t know what got into me, but I turned into a crazy manic Wii punching machine, and somehow I knocked him out. I was sweating and out of breath, but I won!

I think I’m developing “Wii elbow.”

We put it back in the box, and we’re hiding it under the bed until Christmas. Don’t tell the kids!