Geek Mom & Family

Happy Mother’s Day to all of my fellow moms — especially those who are geeky, or who are raising geeky children.

I know Mother’s Day marketers would like me to think I deserve “stuff” today. Gifts of jewelry, flowers, perfume, etc. And perhaps some mothers really DO want breakfast in bed and lots of extra togetherness with the children.

I’m not there yet.

Make no mistake — I do love my children. I’m glad to be a mother! They’re with me every day, every night, and extra on the weekends and during school vacations.

Mother’s Day? I don’t need expensive stuff. I don’t need extra togetherness. What would I like?

Mother’s Day Off.

Ta-daa! It’s a new holiday! For those of us moms who are still surrounded by children, who still have them attached to us by breastfeeding or diapering or night terrors or “Mommy, carry me.”

For those of us who can’t sit on the toilet for a few minutes without being interrupted or having little fingers and notes being pushed under the door…

For those of us who spend all of our time at home caring for them, helping with homework, picking up toys and laundry and school papers and sports equipment…

For those of us who cook three different dinner entrees every day because the kids have food allergies to different ingredients…

For those of us who love our children, love being mothers, but just need a little break…

Mother’s Day Off!

I suspect I’ll crave the “traditional” Mother’s Day togetherness when my kids are older, more self-sufficient, and less constantly in my hair. But for now, I wouldn’t mind having a one day vacation from all of that intimacy.

So I hope you have a wonderful Mother’s Day, no matter how you celebrate it. You are appreciated. Keep up the great work!

ChoreMonster.com is an online system of chore assignments and rewards. It lets parents assign chores for kids by choosing from the default list or adding customized tasks. Each chore can be customized by due date, frequency, and points awarded.

Each child gets his own account, where the chores and rewards are presented in a colorful, easy-to-use interface. Kids can view assigned chores, check them off when they’re done, and see how many points they have earned. When they’ve saved enough points, they can redeem points for parent-defined rewards.

My kids have been using ChoreMonster for a couple of days now, and they’re still in the “this is so cool” phase. They enjoy suggesting chores and rewards for me to add to the system. They’re accumulating points and saving up for the big rewards (playdate with a friend, doughnuts, and a trip to the children’s museum, to name a few).

I like ChoreMonster because the kids go to the computer to see what they can do to earn points and help out around the house. This cuts down on the number of times I hear “Mom!” during the afternoon, which is nice. It also reduces the number of requests I get for treats and things, because they know how many points they need to save before they can be rewarded with something special.

We’ll see how they continue using ChoreMonster. Usually, they’re excited about any new chore system for about 1 week, and then they’re back to dreading chores. Maybe the combination of the computerized format, the scorekeeping, and the rewards-for-points system, will encourage them to stay with the ChoreMonster program! It’s kind of like a game!

ChoreMonster.com is still in beta mode, but the developer has given me an invitation code to share. If you’d like to give the free ChoreMonster system a try, just visit ChoreMonster.com and enter geekmom in the code field at the top of the page. Then follow the instructions to confirm your account.

Let me know what you think of the system. What kind of chores and rewards will you include in your family’s assignments? Do your kids do chores more willingly when it’s kind of like a game?

"I'm bored."

It’s been a while since I posted about my work at Squidoo. Well, I just finished a brand new page over there, all about how to keep kids from being bored. I worked on it all afternoon, because I was thinking of ways to keep my own kids from complaining, and I figured I’d put it into a nice, pretty, organized page, so other people could use the ideas, too.

When I was a kid, my parents would send us outside at the beginning of summer vacation and call us back just before school started. Okay okay, maybe it wasn’t quite like that. But it seemed like we spent almost every daylight hour outdoors. Any complaint of boredom was met with suggestions of either household chores or garden tending, which motivated us to find our own activities.

I guess children today don’t get much practice being bored. They need help coming up with things to do. Remembering the things I did as a child (no cable TV or video games!) inspired me to put together a really long list of ideas for my own kids. Some of the activities are fun and games, and some are little chores. They’re mostly free and non-electronic. They might be considered old-fashioned, which means they will seem brand-new to our modern youngsters!

If you have kids (or grandkids, neighborhood ruffians, visiting relatives, etc.) who are driving you crazy with a chorus of “I’m boooooored” and “There’s nothing to do!” then check it out. Boredom Busters: 100+ Ways to Keep Kids Busy When They’re Bored.

If you have some great ideas, please leave a comment and share! Cheers!

photo by John Morgan, used under a Creative Commons license

Lisa Quinn, mother of two

I admit there was a time when I admired Martha Stewart and her amazing domestic skills. I was awed by her real sugared fruit centerpieces and envious of her front porch holiday decorations.

But after a while, I gave up wishing and hoping and trying to measure up to Martha’s impossible standards. I mean, I’m a mother. Not Wonder Woman.

Turns out I’m not the only person to go from wannabe to anti-Martha. Meet Lisa Quinn, an Emmy-Award Winning ABC TV Host in San Francisco, author, mom of two, and recovering Martha-aholic. She has written a book called “Life’s Too Short to Fold Fitted Sheets.”

“In this book, you’ll find an assortment of domestic shortcuts, rationalizations, cheats, compromises, inspiration, contradictions, and confessions to help manic moms everywhere get through the day….” “How to give your home the illusion of cleanliness and sensibly chic home decor, and when to just break down and hire a professional.”

Lisa Quinn shares her best tips on balancing family, work, social life, and personal hygiene, with a healthy dose of humor. Available at Amazon: Life’s Too Short to Fold Fitted Sheets

I’ve been awarded Mother of the Year! It must be true, because I saw it on the internet… Well, okay. I’m not really that great of a mother. How bad is it that my idea of a nice Mother’s Day would be to spend it alone, without my kids? (I’m half-serious.)

Okay, that sounds terrible. But before you judge me, I dare you to walk a mile in my flip flops, wearing my baggy “yoga pants” (mom code for “it’s too hot for sweatpants, but I have to cover up my unshaven legs”), a faded and spit-up stained maternity shirt (even though you haven’t been pregnant in years), and bad bed head, with three kids pulling on your collar and hanging onto your arms and repeating an unsynchronized and dissonant chorus of “mom mom mom” in your ears until you can’t hear yourself think… Whoa! Deep breaths.

I know I’m not the only one out there who could stand a little quiet time.

One of my real Supermom friends sent me a link to a personalized Mother of the Year video, and I had to share it with my fellow moms, geeks, and everybody out there who has a mom. Happy Mother’s Day to all the mothers out there, Super and less-than-super. Someday, we’ll miss the “mom mom mom” noise, and all the other messy, fun, unpredictable stuff that comes with motherhood. And just for the record, I love my kids more than life. I’d just like to have the bathroom to myself for a few minutes.

Today is my birthday! So I’m re-publishing one of my favorite posts for you today. Originally, I posted it on April 12, 2008, but I think it’s still funny in October. Hope you enjoy it. I’m going to have a piece of birthday cake just for you! Cheers!

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File this post under “whimsical,” folks. I’ve been a mother for a little over nine years now. My youngest child has just turned three, and I’m still in that “Mommy, carry me” phase, at times. My purse is bursting at the seams (but not with money), my memory is fuzzy, my feet are tired, and my body is jiggly, but I’m pretty happy with life.

Over the years, I have spent more hours than I care to admit playing role-playing games (RPG), such as Neverwinter Nights, Baldur’s Gate, and some others I can’t remember right now. One of the things I enjoy about those games is the magical items a character can equip, to modify her natural abilities.

So, I got to thinking, what if I could create a new class of character? In addition to Mage, Ranger, Rogue, Warrior, etc., there should be a Mother class! A Mother would have a special combination of powerful abilities, including some borrowed from the other classes.

Given the qualities and attributes that I now possess (brain fog, stretch marks, etc.), I would be very interested in obtaining certain pieces of special equipment. These would magically boost my strengths and minimize my weaknesses.

Here are the mythical, magical items that would be on my Top Eleven list, if I were a Mother in the RPG of life:

1. Handbag of Infinite Holding. No more overstuffed purse or diaper bag. Everything fits inside, without the wearer becoming over-encumbered by the weight.
2. Gloves of Dexterity. Maintains softness of touch, but gives the wearer manual dexterity equal to having a third hand.
3. Boots of Lightness. Reduces weight upon the feet of the wearer, especially when standing on a scale.
4. Girdle of Constitution. Provides the wearer ample strength to bear any physical burden, and causes stretch marks and cellulite to disappear.
5. Helm of Mental Acuity. Dispels brain fog, improves wisdom with age, and prevents wearer from being deceived.
6. Bow of Justice + Arrows of Mercy. Enables precise, appropriate defensive attacks or punishments, as needed.
7. Cloak of Patience. Casts a spell of calm and inner peace upon the wearer, in even the most chaotic environment.
8. Breastplate of Love. Warms the hearts of the wearer and those in her midst.
9. Amulet of Healing. Empowers the wearer with magical hugs and kisses, which can be used to heal others.
10. Ring of Rest. When activated, allows the wearer to continue adventuring without sleep.
11. Shovel of Clearing. Essential equipment for any Mother, this shovel digs through any pile of literal or figurative crap, leaving a clean, clear path to tread.

I don’t know how I missed out on seeing this video earlier, but it is hilarious! Especially for busy moms — but funny for dads and kids, too — Anita Renfroe sings a fast mashup of the most popular mom sayings, to the tune of the William Tell Overture. Listen carefully, because it goes by so quickly!

Anita has made another funny video in conjunction with a promotion for Luvs diapers. As part of this new “say no to pricey diapers” campaign, Luvs is also offering a limited-time $5 off coupon, starting today.

File this post under “whimsical,” folks. I’ve been a mother for a little over nine years now. My youngest child has just turned three, and I’m still in that “Mommy, carry me” phase, at times. My purse is bursting at the seams (but not with money), my memory is fuzzy, my feet are tired, and my body is jiggly, but I’m pretty happy with life.

Over the years, I have spent more hours than I care to admit playing role-playing games (RPG), such as Neverwinter Nights, Baldur’s Gate, and some others I can’t remember right now. One of the things I enjoy about those games is the magical items a character can equip, to modify her natural abilities.

So, I got to thinking, what if I could create a new class of character? In addition to Mage, Ranger, Rogue, Warrior, etc., there should be a Mother class! A Mother would have a special combination of powerful abilities, including some borrowed from the other classes.

Given the qualities and attributes that I now possess (brain fog, stretch marks, etc.), I would be very interested in obtaining certain pieces of special equipment. These would magically boost my strengths and minimize my weaknesses.

Here are the mythical, magical items that would be on my Top Eleven list, if I were a Mother in the RPG of life:

1. Handbag of Infinite Holding. No more overstuffed purse or diaper bag. Everything fits inside, without the wearer becoming over-encumbered by the weight.
2. Gloves of Dexterity. Maintains softness of touch, but gives the wearer manual dexterity equal to having a third hand.
3. Boots of Lightness. Reduces weight upon the feet of the wearer, especially when standing on a scale.
4. Girdle of Constitution. Provides the wearer ample strength to bear any physical burden, and causes stretch marks and cellulite to disappear.
5. Helm of Mental Acuity. Dispels brain fog, improves wisdom with age, and prevents wearer from being deceived.
6. Bow of Justice + Arrows of Mercy. Enables precise, appropriate defensive attacks or punishments, as needed.
7. Cloak of Patience. Casts a spell of calm and inner peace upon the wearer, in even the most chaotic environment.
8. Breastplate of Love. Warms the hearts of the wearer and those in her midst.
9. Amulet of Healing. Empowers the wearer with magical hugs and kisses, which can be used to heal others.
10. Ring of Rest. When activated, allows the wearer to continue adventuring without sleep.
11. Shovel of Clearing. Essential equipment for any Mother, this shovel digs through any pile of literal or figurative crap, leaving a clean, clear path to tread.

I don’t know who came up with the phrase “Terrible Twos,” because with my three kids, age three has always been much worse than two. I was reminded of this today, when my three year old daughter had her first humongous public meltdown. It happened like this…

This morning, I needed to get some things from my favorite store, Target. I love going to Target. There is a Pizza Hut/Taco Bell snack area up front, and I can grab a soda to sip while I shop. Usually, I get a sugar cookie for my daughter, and she sits sweetly in the cart, smiling at strangers, waving at old folks. It’s a nice outing. Not today.

About halfway through the shopping, she decided to throw a big screaming fit. It was really magnificent. On the International Tantrum Scale (based on how many strangers would stop and stare), it was probably a 9 out of 10. There was crying, whining, screaming, falling on the floor, scratching, bleeding, hair stuck to snot, kicking… No vomiting, though. That would have made it a 10.

I will spare you the rest of the little details, but let me share some of the things I learned from today’s Tantrum at Target:

• Age three is more terrible than two, because a three year old is heavier, more wiggly, and can cause more damage during a tantrum.
• The first time a child has a huge tantrum at the store, it will be unexpectedly crowded, even though it’s a Monday, and people should be at work.
• The more difficult your child is being, the more people will stop their carts directly in your path, blocking your way.
• The ear-splitting shrieks of an angry toddler would make a highly effective torture device.
• The ear-splitting shrieks of an angry toddler would also make a highly effective birth control device.
• Chanting “this is not my child” to yourself while you wrestle the kid and try to drive the cart around the oblivious morons parked in the middle of the aisle does not help to block out the screaming noise.

I’m sure some of you parents can relate to this experience. It’s one of those things that we all go through with our kids, right? Do you have any favorite tantrum lessons you’d like to share?

A recent conversation I had with my kindergartener went something like this…

Punkin: Mommy, why is your belly so floppy?

Me: Well, Mommy had three babies. Remember when Mommy’s belly was big like a balloon? When the baby was inside? Well, when the baby comes out, Mommy’s belly is like a balloon with no air inside, and that is why it’s floppy.

Punkin: Oh. (giggles)

Yes, the truth hurts, but it’s also pretty funny.