life

If you've been following me on Twitter (GeekMomMashup), you've already heard this story. But for the rest of you, I thought it would be worth repeating, because it is pretty funny! Well, funny in a dark, creepy way... muah-ha-haah!

Last week, my six year-old son woke me up in the middle of the night. It must have been about 2:30 AM. As long as I was up, I figured I'd make a pit stop. So I shuffled to the bathroom, where I debated with myself over turning on the light.

My internal dialogue went something like this:

"Its not pitch dark, and I know where the toilet is. The light will be too bright, and it will hurt my eyes, and make it harder to go back to sleep."

"But what if there's a spider in the toilet? You know how I always have that in the back of my mind."

"There's not going to be a spider in the toilet. You worry needlessly, and there's never a spider in the toilet!"

"Well, there's hardly ever a spider in the toilet, and there's probably not a spider in this toilet right now. Fine."

So I left the light off and walked to the toilet. Before taking a seat, I glanced down into the bowl. I noticed a dark spot on the inside of the bowl. Above the water line, below the rim. Hmmm. What could that be? Better turn on the light.

I flipped the switch, squinted, and walked back to the toilet. I peered into the bowl again, and saw a nickel-sized, black, slightly hairy, spider! I'd almost sat on the toilet with that spider in there! What if I hadn't noticed it, and it had jumped onto my bare bottom?! What if it had bitten me? What if it had gotten stuck in my underwear?

I quickly flushed it down and did my thing. Afterwards, I thought I should have taken a photo, but it was too late. The moral of this story: There's probably not a spider in the toilet, but there could be one... Remember this the next time you need to "go" in the dark!

Since I finished graduate school and became a full-time mother (nine years ago), my life has become extremely cluttered. There are school papers, coupons, tiny Lego blocks, snack wrappers, odd socks, unlabeled CDs, and mountains of laundry... I could go on, but I won't. Everything from the important things, like my kids, to the dirty, dusty detritus of life, it all takes up space in my home and in my head. The point is, with a wonderful husband and three dear children to take care of, and so many truly important codes, passwords, dates, and numbers to remember, why do I still have old, useless bits of trivial information taking up space in my brain? I don't have room for extra stuff! It makes it really difficult to find what I'm looking for! For instance, say I'm looking for that very small screwdriver. You know the one I mean? It's very thin, and it has a standard shaped end, which makes it perfect for unlocking the bathroom door when there's nobody in there. Oh, yes. This happens sometimes! It's quite mysterious. So the first place I look is the kitchen junk drawer. I'm looking for the special little screwdriver, but what do I find? Everything else we've stashed in there since we moved into this house! Rubber bands, vegetable seeds, lip balm, marbles, tape, pens and pencils, an old checkbook, super ball, assorted coins, little rocks, and various things with sharp edges that find their way under the fingernails. Ouch! No screwdriver. Sometimes, that's how I feel when I'm trying to think of something important, like... my own phone number. Yes, I forgot my phone number. Picture me on the phone, leaving a message for an acquaintance. "So if you could call me back, that would be great. My number is... Four... I'm so sorry, but I'll have to call you back with my phone number." I couldn't believe it. After that, I wrote my number on a sticker and kept it inside the kitchen cupboard, so I would never have to sound so stupid again! (At least not while leaving a phone message.) I might not feel so bad about having forgotten my phone number, if the data taking its place were actually important, but they're not. It's just a bunch of stuff that I've stashed in there for the last 35 years. I'll show you. Let's give the old noggin a shake and see what falls out...

• High school locker combination (35-9-35)
• Names and colors of all four Wiggles
• First telephone number, from 30 years ago
• Memorized lines from Monty Python and the Holy Grail
• Ex-boyfriend's birthdate
• Mnemonic phrase for the 12 cranial nerves (On Old Olympus' Towering Top A Family Very German Viewed Armadillos Hop), but not the actual names of the nerves
• and more...

I'd say my brain is in need of a good sorting out, but I guess that's life. Maybe I'll need this stuff someday, like if I'm in a coma, and my family will be sitting around the hospital bed, talking quietly. Some young doctor will say, "Oh, by the way, do you know a good mnemonic for the 12 cranial nerves? I'm having trouble remembering them." And one of my brilliant relatives will say, "Of course! On Old Olympus' Towering Top..." And then, I'll wake up! It could happen. So, what's in your intellectual junk drawer? Care to share your most useless bits of trivia with us? :-)