The Time I Saw A Pile of Poop at Walmart

If you know me, you know I really don’t like shopping at Walmart. I prefer Target, but since I need to be thrifty, I end up at Walmart at least once a week for the basics.

On my most recent trip to the Mart, I made my circuit through the aisles, hugged my favorite greeter, and made it to the checkout. It was a typical shopping trip.

Until I left the checkout for the exit.

Just 10 feet from where I had paid for my stuff, there was a pile of poop. When I say “pile of poop,” let me be clear. It was not just a turd. Not a dung nugget. Not a dingleberry. Not a gooey smudge from somebody’s shoe.

It was a full dump.

And it looked like it either came from a large dog, or a human being. For a second, I considered stopping to snap a photo, but decided I couldn’t hold my breath long enough, so I pushed my cart past as quickly as I could, without looking like a freak.

So in lieu of a photo, I’ll describe it to you. It was a full dump, semi-coiled, well formed, deposited directly on the store floor. It was partially covered by a piece of paper towel, with a whole roll of paper towels nearby. It was unattended. No signs or warnings had been posted. No “Wet Floor,” or “WTF! Poop!” to guide shoppers away from the scene. I wondered whether the store personnel were away gathering special supplies. Maybe there is a secret human-poop cleanup protocol.

As I drove away from the store, I wondered lots of things.

What made that poop? Dog? Human?

Why was it left there?

If it was from a dog, why was a dog in the store? Service animal? Pet? It was very near the exit doors. And even if a dog had done it, I thought any responsible dog owner would have picked it up, right? RIGHT?!

So… Why would a person poop there? Toilet emergency? It wasn’t too far from the restrooms. Still, wouldn’t a reasonable human have cleaned up his or her own poop? Who just takes a dump on a public floor and leaves it there? Unless it was protest poop!

Anyway, it was pretty disgusting. And that’s coming from a matter-of-fact mother of three who deals with some epic shit on a daily basis. But it left me with more questions than answers. And I haven’t been back to Walmart since.

“To This Day,” by Shane Koyczan

shane-koyczan

“To This Day” is a powerful and moving poem by Shane Koyczan. It’s been making the rounds on Facebook and Twitter, and I took a few minutes to watch it this morning. And you should, too.

It’s an anti-bullying anthem that I can relate to, as a parent, as a person who’s been treated for depression, and as a human being with a soft heart.


seems like each school has an arsenal of names
getting updated every year
and if a kid breaks in a school
and no one around chooses to hear
do they make a sound?
are they just the background noise
of a soundtrack stuck on repeat
when people say things like
kids can be cruel?

(excerpt from “To This Day”)

Shane is planning to continue the “To This Day” movement against bullying, and you can sign up to help.

Veteran’s Day – Stuff my Grandpa Said

Grandpa, between his sister and his wife

Happy Veterans’ Day

! I always think about my grandfather on this day. He died a few years ago, and I neverheard him talk about his war experiences. He fought in World War II and the Korean War.

He made it home alive, raised children, worked hard, retired, and celebrated 50 years of marriage. During his long life, he shared some wise and funny sayings with us. Here are a few of my favorites:

  • “Clean your plate.”
  • “Gettin’ old is hell.”
  • “I’ll give you 45 minutes to cut that out.” (During a shoulder massage.)
  • “You can curl ‘em, braid ‘em, or split ‘em. Just don’t pull them out!” (When we would comb the few hairs he had left on his head.)
  • “Gives the mosquitoes a place to skate.” (On being bald.)
  • “What, honey? I don’t hear so good anymore. I don’t smell so good, either.”

I would have liked to hear about his days in the military, but he didn’t want to talk about that. I appreciate and respect his service, and I honor him by sharing these memories today.

Thank you, Grandpa. And thanks to all the people who have served our country to protect our freedom and preserve our safety!

How Steve Jobs Changed the World

Steve Jobs
Steve Jobs Changed the World

I know Steve Jobs was not a god. I don’t worship him. I just have such a great appreciation for his ideas, and the things that grew out of them.

And although it might sound exaggerated, he really did change the world. Even for millions of people who never met him, it’s kind of like he was our friend.

He created things that we use and love. He made devices that we hold against our faces, and keep in pockets over our hearts. Many of us regard our pet gadgets as trusty sidekicks. We sleep with them, eat with them, and emote over them.

He changed the world because he affected every Apple user individually, and gave us something in common where there might not have been anything there before.

Thank you for making the world a better place, Steve. 🙂

Really, CNN? That’s your top story?

This is what I saw when I checked my CNN headlines widget a few minutes ago:

Jessica Simpson's Bosom is the Top Story?
Jessica Simpson's Bosom is the Top Story?

Did you see the headline for the Top Story? “Jessica Simpson finds a bosom buddy…”

Oh. My. Goodness. I don’t know whether to be amused and relieved that there’s nothing more important than Jessica’s bosom in the news at the moment, or annoyed at CNN for leading with such a ridiculous headline. A bit of both, I guess.

And since you’re probably dying to know what the story is about, here’s the blurb:

Jessica Simpson and Dolly Parton have found more to bond over than their blonde locks and country crooning. The famously busty pair found common ground this week over the difficulties of having an ample bosom.

So there you have it. Now you know. You’re welcome. 😛

Boys will be boys… juvenile jokes

I have three children: two boys, ages nine and seven, and a girl, age three. Life is busy, and the kids keep me entertained. There’s nothing more fun to watch than three siblings singing, dancing, and laughing together! (It happens on occasion.)

However, lately, the boys have been into telling jokes. Now, I think I have a pretty good sense of humor. (Sometimes, Hubby doesn’t appreciate it, but I’m really quite hilarious.)

They don’t really have a comedy routine, and they don’t have many jokes memorized. No, because that would be boring, I suppose. They prefer to improvise.

So, they have a go-to punchline, and it kills! You’re dying to hear it, aren’t you? Okay. You asked for it:

Knock knock.
Who’s there?
My BUTT!
*snicker*snicker*chuckle*

That’s just one example of how the BUTT punchline can be used. Amazingly, it fits almost any situation, and can be fashioned into an answer for any question!

I would say “let’s hope this phase passes quickly,” but I know it never will. They’ve just taken another step on the road to manhood. I’m so proud! 🙂

photo by photosavvy

Somebody’s been inside my head (hotels give me the heeby-jeebies)

I have been a compulsive hand-washer and outspoken microbe-phobe for most of my life. For example, back in my sorority days, I would make regular rounds of the chapter house with a can of Lysol disinfectant spray.

I hit just about every common surface, including the phone switchboard, bathroom light switches, door handles… My nickname was “Psycho.” You get the idea.

My hubby, knowing about my neuroses (and loving me in spite of them), sent me this link from Gizmodo today. The article, “10 Gadgets that Help you Survive in Cheap Hotel Rooms,” set my geeky and germy-phobic heart strings a-quiver in harmony.

I wish I’d had some of these gadgets in my arsenal back in college. Cheers!