Top Eleven essential items for Mother, in the RPG of life

Warcraft dwarf warriorFile this post under “whimsical,” folks. I’ve been a mother for a little over nine years now. My youngest child has just turned three, and I’m still in that “Mommy, carry me” phase, at times. My purse is bursting at the seams (but not with money), my memory is fuzzy, my feet are tired, and my body is jiggly, but I’m pretty happy with life. 🙂

Over the years, I have spent more hours than I care to admit playing role-playing games (RPG), such as Neverwinter Nights, Baldur’s Gate, and some others I can’t remember right now. One of the things I enjoy about those games is the magical items a character can equip, to modify her natural abilities.

So, I got to thinking, what if I could create a new class of character? In addition to Mage, Ranger, Rogue, Warrior, etc., there should be a Mother class! A Mother would have a special combination of powerful abilities, including some borrowed from the other classes.

Given the qualities and attributes that I now possess (brain fog, stretch marks, etc.), I would be very interested in obtaining certain pieces of special equipment. These would magically boost my strengths and minimize my weaknesses.

Here are the mythical, magical items that would be on my Top Eleven list, if I were a Mother in the RPG of life:

  1. Handbag of Infinite Holding. No more overstuffed purse or diaper bag. Everything fits inside, without the wearer becoming over-encumbered by the weight.
  2. Gloves of Dexterity. Maintains softness of touch, but gives the wearer manual dexterity equal to having a third hand.
  3. Boots of Lightness. Reduces weight upon the feet of the wearer, especially when standing on a scale.
  4. Girdle of Constitution. Provides the wearer ample strength to bear any physical burden, and causes stretch marks and cellulite to disappear.
  5. Helm of Mental Acuity. Dispels brain fog, improves wisdom with age, and prevents wearer from being deceived.
  6. Bow of Justice + Arrows of Mercy. Enables precise, appropriate defensive attacks or punishments, as needed.
  7. Cloak of Patience. Casts a spell of calm and inner peace upon the wearer, in even the most chaotic environment.
  8. Breastplate of Love. Warms the hearts of the wearer and those in her midst.
  9. Amulet of Healing. Empowers the wearer with magical hugs and kisses, which can be used to heal others.
  10. Ring of Rest. When activated, allows the wearer to continue adventuring without sleep.
  11. Shovel of Clearing. Essential equipment for any Mother, this shovel digs through any pile of literal or figurative crap, leaving a clean, clear path to tread.

Author: GeekMom

Heather is a geeky girl with a husband and three kids who put up with her nerdy quirks. She's been blogging here since 2007, and enjoys writing, reading, playing video games, and making stuff.

  • Cool! If I can only get my wife to play an MMORPG with me besides a Mother class would surely kick some a**.

    Melo’s last blog post..Automagically Find Blogs To Advertise In

  • I love the RPG games, too! 🙂 Haven’t played for awhile, but I’d like to.

    I also love Sims, but that’s a little different than going around looking for treasure chests and upping your armor and weapons. 😉

    JoLynn Braley’s last blog post..Fit Linking on Friday at The Fit Shack

  • My hubby teases me I carry around the “Mary Poppins Carpet Bag” – he keeps waiting for me to pull out a lamp while I dig through stuff 🙂 Very creative list!

    Chelle’s last blog post..Should You Remain ?Just Friends??

  • pam

    What a great post!

    My favorite: #10 Ring of Rest! 😀

    pam’s last blog post..Blueberries – the superfood!

  • Easily the best post I have seen all week (and I do a lot of chain dropping of entrecards). Well done.

    I think that mothers should have magic too, and be in psychic contact with all other mothers.

    As for spells there are a few I can think of:

    Level 1

    Saliva of cleaning
    The mother spits on a handkerchief and clean any object. Also restores 1-3 hit points when applied to dirty wounds.

    Level 2
    Use full name
    The mother shouts the full name of the target who then cannot move for 1-2 turns

    Level3
    Look of Disgust
    When applied to anyone of evil alignment they will temporarily be changed to good alignment for 1-4 turns, during which they will look down at their feet and only manage to mumble a response to any questions.

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  • @Melo – Yes, I think a Mother would be one heck of a fighter, plus she’d have some awesome magic, too. And if you got her mad, you’d definitely be going down! 🙂

    @JoLynn – I have played too many hours on Sims 2, and I’m looking forward to Sims 3! Although, maybe I shouldn’t get it, because I know it’ll suck up all my free time.

    @Chelle – That is too funny! I wish I had one of those magic carpet bags, except I know my cell phone would get lost way at the bottom.

    @Pam – Thank you! Seriously, how great would that Ring of Rest be? It would really come in handy!

    @Kevin – Wow, I really appreciate your compliment! I stop by at least 300 blogs most days, and I know there are lots of great posts out there. I’m glad you like this one. I love your spells, too! Very clever! 🙂

  • I stopped by to drop my Entrecard, and I stumbled this post because it is brilliant! If you ever come across one of those Handbags of Infinite Holding, please do let me know 🙂
    And Kevin’s spells were hilarious, the “saliva of cleaning”-ha!

    My husband played Baldur’s Gate, both the PC and console versions, and got both my sons hooked on it too. It’s a great game.

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  • I will let you borrow my speedy chopsticks. It will let you catch flies at record speed. 😀

    Louie’s last blog post..The Return of the Demonoid

  • I agree wholeheartedly, while I might add some sort of magical sleeve to hold the wad of eternal and everlasting tissue.

  • This is an excellent post. And with many geeky moms out there I bet this would make a pretty decent game, you could have mom’s dads and kids but be able to upgrade their abilities. I’m always secretly envious of those incompetent dads who seem to never have to do anything. I’m wicked good at stuff like dishes, laundry and diaper changing. Sometimes too good for my own good. I’d like a Shield of Incompetence -10 to household chores.

    Drew’s last blog post..Decay? PAD #1101

  • I love this list. Being a bit of an RPG hound myself I could see a few of these useful for dads too.

    TheMovie Whore’s last blog post..Speaking of Bruce Campbell

  • That is a great list! When I played RPG’s the bag of infinite holding was my favorite! It would definitely come in handing irl now that I’m a mom!

    Beth’s last blog post..A is for …

  • #4 and #6 are awesome. My children will love this post. They are my loyal readers and are avid RPG gamers. One of them is actually ranked #3 in the world at World of Warcraft Online…

    great post!

    Chris’s last blog post..I Apologize For My Dust

  • moms wont play rpg

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  • This post was hilarious!

    I’m afraid I don’t know all the RPG language.. but I would add this skill:

    Ability to identify sounds from three rooms away!

    Northern Cheapskate’s last blog post..Upromise… is it worth it?